i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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