Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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