I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
