I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
