Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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