I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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