You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
