Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
