meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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