Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
