$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
