I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
