Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
