sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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