Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
