I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
