this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
