I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I smell like Dick and happiness
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
