Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
