I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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