He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
