then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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