they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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