dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
