I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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