I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
