I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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