I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
