You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
