I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
