I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Pants are for mortals
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
