My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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