wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
