You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I skipped work to stalk him.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
