dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
honey bunches of taint.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
