2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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