He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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