I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
