Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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