aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
