can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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