i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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