just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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