Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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