I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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