I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
