All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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