Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
