Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
