hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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