It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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