I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize