It's Friday. Sex?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
