I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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