she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
