who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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