Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
