What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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