People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
