is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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