you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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