Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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