It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
