she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
