before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
