Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
