I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
