So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
