JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
