I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
