Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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