are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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