Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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